The title may sound misleading, because it is not about absolute truths, but the levels of the search for truth. We go through our whole brain. And everything is connected, but everything is also true in itself. They can only be different perspectives. And our lives are easier and better when we can see all three perspectives.
Why don’t we see the whole truth?
I’ve been confronted with a lot of questions about leadership in real life and here on LinkedIn over the last few days. And of course the answers are not easy or generalized, but one thing has struck me in all cases: The problems only arise because we are “blind”.
Disclaimer
If I’m writing this here, it’s only because I was also blind in every way. I know everything I’m describing here from both sides. And it’s no one’s fault because we were given these “glasses”.
We didn’t even know that we were wearing glasses – or blinkers. We all thought “that’s just the way the world is”. So there was no reason for shame, resistance or fear of losing face. We’ve never worn our faces before. Until now, we’ve worn a mask. A mask that others have put on and that really restricts our vision.
It was my children who showed me how blind I was. They taught me how to see. And I realized that a part of me always knew that there was something just outside my field of vision. But in survival mode – or autopilot mode – you don’t have a head for that.
Definition of blindness and visible areas
When I talk about “blind”, it sounds harsh. And it is meant figuratively, but at the same time it is real blindness, because we do not perceive things that are right in front of us.
And it’s not that we don’t see anything, but that the spectrum of “light” that we see is extremely limited. We see something, but perhaps only black and white or just a single color. That’s how you can imagine it.
And that comes from the glasses (the world view) that we wear. And now it’s time to see what we’re missing.
We take a simple model and divide the “light” into three areas: One is the surface. We know it well. This is the Neocortex. Everything we do and say consciously. For ourselves and others.
What we don’t see is the area of Limbi and Gecko. We sometimes notice, blurred in the corner of our eye, that there must be something there, but that’s it.
Neocortex, Limbi and Gecko are nicknames for areas in our brain. And the model is of course extremely simplified. But this should be enough for us:
Neocortex: Our conscious thinking, weighing up, planning and analyzing. What we and others can control well. The part that is supposed to function like a machine.
Limbi (Limbic System): The area of the brain that is responsible for emotions and therefore all relationship issues. So trust and encounters are found there. But so is betrayal.
Gecko (brainstem or reptile brain): The area that ensures our survival. And therefore the control center of fear.
Important: Everything that arrives in the neocortex has previously passed through the gecko and limbi, where it is filtered and interpreted. As the neocortex is “slow”, it only receives processed data. It’s a bit like the screen on your smartphone. It only receives what other subsystems think is interesting for you. And in a processed form.
Means: Gecko > Limbi >> Neocortex
Can you show an example?
And what does that mean in concrete terms? How do we see more and what do we do differently?
We will now take a whole series of examples and look at what happens there. We start with our familiar view (the neocortex) and add the limbi and gecko. Of course, the examples are abbreviated and simplified, but they should give you a feel for how the levels work.
Example 1: “Well, I’m a very friendly team leader! Everything is very relaxed, I only bang the table when it’s really necessary.”
This is the self-disclosure of a team leader. What’s behind it? What do we see on which layer (Neocortex, Limbi, Gecko)?
Neocortex: It’s simple. Someone is doing their job. And that requires order and discipline. He is responsible, so they have to do what he says.
Limbi: So if a person tells another person what to do, then that is a primary punishment for the Limbi. That is betrayal. So it’s the opposite of building trust. This comes (often well-intentioned) even from a repressed Limbi: “I’m right and I’ll tell you what to do.” was pretty much the parenting pattern experienced and is the template for all caring relationships.
Gecko: When I “bang on the table”, I show dominant behavior. This means that I am afraid. So I don’t have a safe space, but compensate for this with supposed strength, i.e. dominance.
This is not complete. There’s more in the sentence (world view), but that should be enough for the first round.
Even if we ignore and suppress Gecko and Limbi, our inner state still applies:
Gecko > Limbi >> Neocortex.
“As long as you do what I want, it’s all good. It’s just stupid that you can never know what I really want beforehand. And yes, I don’t care what you think. Because I’m right and I only want what’s best for you. So if you do what I tell you, it’ll be great.”
Example 2: “I don’t share the opinion of those up there, but unfortunately I have to give you notice.”
Wir haben hier eine Teamleitung, die zwischen beiden Welten steht. Was ist in ihr los?
Neocortex: There are just uncomfortable things that have to be done anyway. You have to be strong and professional and do it. I was also “completely open and human”.
Limbi: Inconsistency. There is no leadership from above, but an order. So the Limbi (from the later executing management) is hurt and in deficit. That is what is transmitted and radiates. If I don’t share the opinion, then I must also commit (perceived) treason. I throw my morals overboard, which means that I kill my Limbi. To be able to do that, the ehe must already be dead/injured and in the dark.
Gecko: I am afraid. Fear takes over and is the reason why I can’t take my Limbi into consideration. Ultimately, this shows that there is no leadership at all, but a structure of fear and dependency. It may all be hidden behind colorful frosting, but it shows clearly. I’m pretty sure I show fight patterns at the bottom and flight patterns at the top. It’s the same fear, but it has two faces.
Again, this applies to the inner state of all those involved:
Gecko > Limbi >> Neocortex.
This also applies to all observers. So the damage caused to the whole team is huge and will remain so for a long time.
It can take a long time to repair something like this. The ratio is 1:5; one negative experience needs 5 positive ones. That means here: I need 5 similar (comparable) situations where people act differently until we are back to zero! Then another 5 until we reach the positive area. The situation can therefore continue to have an effect for 10-15 years. Please include this in your cost estimates.
It is worth resolving this situation on the basis of defined values alone. Because termination is not the problem as long as it is based on values and purpose.
Example 3: A Millennial manager tries to train a Gen Z employee. She prioritizes and explains everything, but nothing happens. Not even after 2 rounds.
Here we have to look a little into both. We’ll start with the boss now and switch if necessary.
Neocortex: It must be clear what needs to be done. And what is important. So what needs to be done today and what tomorrow, or what can wait until three weeks from now. I have to explain this so that people can learn. That’s how I learned it.
Limbi: When I give work instructions, they are orders. Primary punishments for the Limbi. And now we have something exciting here: both sides are at a different stage of development. Even if Gen Z isn’t perfect at it (because their Limbi has never been trained), it’s not so in the dark. Millennials are used to Limbi being stalled. Gen Z is not. That’s the conflict here.
Gecko: Gen Z is also not afraid of hierarchies. Something has changed. That’s why we have an “incomprehensible” reaction from the millennials’ point of view. The expectation is that there should be fear (equated with respect). Since this is missing, the reactions are completely incomprehensible.
In this example, the “blind” levels are most obvious because both are in different worlds. Nevertheless, it is not clear to the Gen Zs what exactly is happening. Neither Limbi nor Gecko is “evolved”. They are just not as destroyed.
And this is a very important aspect, especially for the Limbi: just as we train our thinking, which is very good, we need to train our emotional and social brain. But using different methods. This is not possible via Neocortex, but we have to reach Limbi with limbic training.
Incidentally, the solution here is even more obvious than in any other situation: “Don’t manage people, manage purpose.”
The moment we give direction – i.e. live true leadership – these problems solve themselves. We don’t clarify what needs to be done, but what the effect on the world should be. We clarify (beforehand!) whether we have the same ideas.
The rest is then personal implementation competence and responsibility. This can and should vary. The more competent our people are, the better they will do it. Much better than myself. Our job is just to make sure that everything fits together. And we do that through the system.
Example 4: New team leader joins a team and wants to get an overview. Talks to every person in the team and for almost every topic the answer to “Who can I ask?” is a name: “It’s best to ask Kerstin.”
What is happening in the new team management? Let’s take a look.
Neocortex: This is a very comfortable situation. Everything is settled and in good hands. There’s simply nothing to do. You just have to make sure that everything stays that way. Keep the system stable and enjoy life. And, of course, appreciate Kerstin in every form and on every level.
Limbi: So depending on how the new team leader’s Limbi is, it can be very different. Let’s take a look at Gecko first and then come back to Limbi.
Gecko: Together with the Limbi, this is now the critical element. 98% of all people who apply for management positions are in fear. In fight mode, so they have to show dominance and prove themselves. “Nothing works without me!” What they fear most is that the world will see their “I’m not enough”. If there is now someone in the team who actually makes them superfluous, this is a direct attack on their existence.
Limbi: This information (fear) now comes from Gecko to Limbi. So our Limbi also reacts out of fear. Now the question arises as to whether our Limbi is trained. What about relationships, trust, internal emotional regulation, resilience, repair? If I am trained, then the Limbi intercepts Gecko and celebrates the situation. In the (statistically) normal case, Limbi also goes into fear. After all, “I’m not enough” is a social fear. If I’m not useful, my pack will reject me. So my threat has to go.
That’s what happens most of the time. Whether bullied, dismissed or otherwise displaced, these people are removed. This automatically drives natural leadership (through hierarchy) out of the organizations.
Example 5: Child throws himself on the floor in the supermarket and screams. Or dawdling in the morning before school and everything runs late.
I would like to take many more examples from relationships and education, but that is not quite the core of OrgIQ. Nevertheless, I would like to point out once again that we find the worldviews of upbringing shifted by a generation in management. The two are connected. How we were brought up will shape our image of “leadership”. It is possible to get out of this, but it takes a lot of effort.
We take a look at the parents and also into the child.
Neocortex: NO. There is absolutely no reason to do so now. It is completely superfluous and unnecessary. As if we didn’t have enough stress already.
Limbi: What will the others think? I have to be a good parent and work. My child has to function too.
Here we need a second Limbi view; this is multi-layered: the parents’ Limbi has been in rebellion/oppression since childhood. Being forced to do something and having no choice is a primary punishment for Limbi. If we have resigned ourselves to this, then that is resignation. And if someone resists it, then it is frustration, shame and resistance at the same time. I don’t want to be reminded that I was broken at that point. I don’t want to be reminded that I was too weak and I don’t want to be reminded that I was once alive.
Gecko: We are most likely to show “fight patterns” towards children. Depending on how much external pressure we experience, we pass it on. Punctuality and school can be even more stressful than the other situation. So I increase the pressure and want my child to finally work.
The child’s view is completely different. Until they break, children are 90% limbi and only 10% neocortex. (see the blog entry on child development) So the rational is simply not as important as the inner emotional state. And in children, it will be the case that a basic need (attachment, self-worth, self-determination, security) has been violated. The child senses this, but cannot put it into words. But the child wants to be seen, heard, understood and touched (i.e. the core of encounter or connection). And for this to happen, it has to transmit its feelings to you: “I want you to feel what I feel.” The action therefore only serves to enable you to feel how they are feeling. We are great at knowing how others react emotionally to our behavior and what feelings we create in them as a result.
That is why a direct rational or emotional reaction is not helpful. We just need to see what feeling has arisen in us and say “ah, now I know how you feel”.
Example 6: The managing director ticks off and starts shouting and knocking (banging) on the walls of his glass office.
The context is that this is an open office landscape. Open-plan office for the employees and glass boxes for the management. With the idea: importance = size of the glass box.
However, the management has placed the purchasing department right next to the management’s glass box. And they are loud. There are no meeting rooms or other places to make phone calls.
Let’s take a look inside …
Neocortex: It’s so loud, how am I supposed to work here? I have to make sure it’s quiet.
Limbi: I am not seen. I’m still the little unseen and unloved boy. At least then they can be afraid of me.
Gecko: If I am invisible, then I am meaningless. And if I have no significance in the pack, then they don’t need me. Then I can go away. Then I am dead. So I have to make it clear that I’m the boss.
Most in management have not progressed beyond the emotional development of 5 years. From the age of 7, internal emotional regulation should be under control.
This does not mean that they are not wonderful people. They just haven’t developed these basic emotional and therefore social skills.
Power and fear are therefore often used as a substitute for acceptance and respect. I can create and control power and fear. I don’t believe in acceptance and respect because it’s not in my control; and because I haven’t experienced it and can’t do it myself.
On the one hand, he becomes a joke because it’s just too much, but at the same time he spreads fear. And that’s the best thing he knows.
Example 7: Joie de vivre joins a team
I have to go into a little more detail. We’re talking about a “cemetery team”. Everyone is quiet, working and busy with themselves. Because the topic is “legal”, nobody is surprised. Who wants to talk to them?
Some of the colleagues are actually entertaining, but this is not lived. Official efforts by the team management to get in touch with the neighboring teams at joint breakfasts also fail.
Someone new joins the team and it’s like a spring awakening. The person brings a zest for life and a relaxed attitude, but also infects others. Suddenly there is interaction with the neighboring teams and others who have always been silent come to life.
So what happens in the team management:
Neocortex: I’ll have to see if they’re still working. That’s really nice, I’ve always wanted that. I’ve tried very hard. Now they’re ready.
Limbi: I’m the boss here. If they build relationships and are happy, it should be because of me. They should respect and like me. I’ve tried so hard, but it hasn’t changed anything.
Here I have to split the Limbi in two, because there is a second truth. Because the first is an (unconscious?) emotional reaction. But the truth is that the team leader’s Limbi is dead. The aim is to maintain a friendly façade, but the truth is what the system is really doing. And the inner graveyard of the team leader should radiate. Everyone should “feel the way I feel”.
Gecko: It’s another “I’m not enough” scenario. I’m afraid that not only will I be replaced (emotionally I’ve already been replaced long ago, the new person has long since taken over without doing anything, just by being), but I’ve been trumped. It’s not just a threat, it’s a direct attack on me and my role.
Yes, it is similar to example 4. Leadership can look very different. And here we had leadership in humanity and liveliness.
The situation was resolved by reinterpreting the interpersonal contacts. “Look what you’ve broken.” (It would go beyond the scope of this article to go into detail, but I’m sure I’ll do so elsewhere). The team then sank back into graveyard mode. The new person was supposed to adapt to a “reinforced zombie” (“take an example from xyz … if you were like that, everything would have stayed fine”), but has traded in her vitality for dysfunctionality and is now poisoning her surroundings. Revenge on all who are alive.
So the pattern was transferred down from the team management and adopted there in its own way.
Example 8: “Gen Z has such high expectations, but does nothing.”
Whether this comes from HR or management is irrelevant. Let’s take a look.
Neocortex: They should just work like everyone else. I don’t do anything different. If they climb up the ladder, then they can demand more. That’s how we’ve always done it.
Limbi: The Limbi is annoyed because he has been oppressed his whole life and they simply don’t want to go along with it. That is unfair. I want the same thing, but I would never have dared to say that.
Gecko: Could it be that I’ve fucked up my whole life? But before I admit that, I’m going to join the resistance. They’re wrong. If they weren’t wrong, I’d be wrong. But I’m older. So I’d be wrong for longer. Then I would be stupid. I can’t be stupid, otherwise I’m useless to the pack and will be cast out.
And what is the truth: yes, we have all been cheated and are perhaps also a little stupid. But it’s like the anecdotal frog with the immersion heater: it would jump straight out of the hot water, but with the gradual warming it misses the jump.
Rory Sutherland recently reminded us that in the 1960s we could still finance an entire family (with children, house, car, TV, washing machine, …) on one salary. Without debt. With a 40-hour family working week.
Today we are at 80+h and basically have less. And debt. If we look at technological progress and take the 1960s as the baseline, then we should be at a maximum of 30 hours of family working time per week today. And that happened gradually. But we’re being cheated out of 50 hours every week and haven’t noticed.
And now what?
Practice, practice, practice. 😉
Now this is not a complete guide, I realize that. But it gives you a sense of what we miss when we only look at the Neocortex. Because then we never see the real causes. And so we are reacting to something completely meaningless. Our reaction misses the point and then creates a counter-reaction that is also off the mark.
It is not at all important that we are right about Limbi and Gecko, but that we develop a feeling over time as to what activates Gecko and Limbi (negative/positive). And it’s not that complicated.
Because it’s not about us being right, but about us meeting each other.
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