“Hamster wheel”

Everyone talks about being trapped in the hamster wheel, but what is it and can we get out of it?

Let’s take a look at what that is.

Model

The model is very simple: our core is our identity. Our uniqueness. As our uniqueness usually does not fit into the norm, we are criticized and belittled. Our inner voice becomes our inner critic. We doubt ourselves. We are not “enough”. And from then on, we have to prove to the world that we are valuable.

And then comes our role play, our “PowerPoint of Life”. We play out a life for ourselves and others that fits in with expectations.

“We play to others instead of really living.”

Our life simply becomes a pretty presentation, a few nice slides. There we can show what we think others want to see. As in real life, the PowerPoints have little to do with reality.

And even if it’s not real, it’s where we invest most of our time and money. Each and every one of us in our own way. This is “external emotional regulation”. It’s about not feeling, and sometimes feeling, like everything is okay. We try to live in the PowerPoints, in our presentation.

The Apparent Solution

The solution seems simple when we see the picture above. All we would have to do is leave out the PowerPoint and the doubts, then we would get to our identity and everything would be great.

Simple, right?

Unfortunately not. Our brain gets in the way a little. It wants to keep us alive. And it thinks “We’re alive, so what we’ve done so far is working.”

Our Prison

That’s why our brain keeps us on the hamster wheel. We may not be happy, but have survived. That’s enough from a brain perspective.

The brain is like society: very simple-minded. “If you work, that’s enough for us.” That’s the core of the hamster wheel.

Our brain is great, but sometimes simple. Because it loves what is simple. What is familiar. And it always wants a coherent story.

We are supposed to be the heroes in our lives. Either as perpetrators or as victims.
That’s why it’s so difficult for our brain to change direction in between, because that would mean we’ve done something stupid for the last x years.

That would not be consistent.

So our brain prefers to change our perception and evaluation. That’s what makes up our world view and our beliefs.

The assumption of our brain is that we live in our identity. Then these mechanisms would be perfect and would keep us stable. Unfortunately, these same mechanisms also keep us in doubt, or fleeing from doubt. So how do we make a real life in our identity (or potential) possible? By carefully familiarizing ourselves with our identity. And understanding that our critics were simply trapped in their PowerPoint themselves.

The Real Solution

There is always a small gap. And sometimes people in our lives who “really” see us. People who look behind our PowerPoint and see that our doubts are a lie.

Doesn’t mean that our identity is perfect. These are parts of us that can be superpowers, but we have to train them and learn to deal with them.

Now comes a twist: you can’t do it alone!

It’s also about seeing other people in the same way. Change comes from encounters. Seeing and remembering each other. Your and your journey of discovery can begin now. You set the pace.

The end of the hamster wheel has come for you, real life is about to begin. Have fun with it.

Another child-friendly story for everyone from a brain perspective: The House of the Three

Our tools for this:

• Gecko: See and understand fear in the Gecko-CheatSheet
• Limbi: Our social intelligence, skills and fitness level explained in the Limbi/DSS CheatSheet
• Relationship check: Not everything that is intense is good. And how does a relationship work anyway? Everything in the relationship check
• A few pitfalls and errors in the Disney principle
• Regulation … sounds lame, but it is the superpower: Emotional regulation